Brady's agent is doing him no favors

Boys and girls, let me give you the best advice you may ever get.  You may never have to use this advice, but believe me, if circumstances arise when it is applicable, just do what I say.  My advice is this: if a law enforcement officer ever says, “Would you like to speak to an attorney?” the answer is always, “YES!”  The yes must then be followed by absolute silence until your lawyer arrives.  There is no possible set of events that would ever make it a good idea to reply, “Heck no, officer, what would you like to know?”

That said, relying on a lawyer is still a pain.  Lawyers tend to be overly-risk adverse, mainly because if they say something and it turns out badly, they can be sued for malpractice.  Lawyers focus on legal consequences, ignoring things like your reputation and your standing with friends and family (“Go on, tell the cops about Uncle Jimmy’s still and you’ll walk.”).  Also, lawyers will come up with solutions that land you in jail, and you still have to pay them.

Lawyers also love to argue in the alternative.  There’s an old joke: a lawyer borrows a neighbor’s teapot, then returns it.  The neighbor notices a crack in the teapot and says something to the lawyer.  The lawyer replies, “I never borrowed your teapot, and if I did I returned it in perfect condition, and if I didn't then it was cracked when you gave it to me.”  That makes sense to a lawyer; to the rest of the world, it’s nuts.

Tom Brady’s agent Don Yee, who is a lawyer, is offering a similar defense for his client.  On the one hand, Tom Brady is completely innocent of all wrongdoing; on the other hand, the NFL tricked him into ordering the deflated balls in a sting operation.  This makes sense to the agent; logically it is an admission of guilt.

You can’t say that you didn't solicit that prostitute, and besides she was a cop who entrapped you.  Either you didn't offer her the money for sex, or offering her money for sex was her idea.  Both can’t be true.  Either Tom Brady was telling the truth on January 22 when he said he knew nothing about inflating footballs, or he was duped by the Colts into breaking the rules and ordering the footballs to be deflated because the Colts didn't complain the first time they caught him at it.

Tom Brady did not turn over his phone to the investigators for “nuanced reasons” according to his agent.  That’s lawyer speak for, “We don’t have to explain anything, my client is Tom F*$%#ng Brady.”  Yet later in the interview Yee says that Brady “fully cooperated with investigators [long pause] in that context,” the context being he didn't punch them in the nose when they asked him questions.  He did not fully cooperate by letting investigators check his phone for texts to the Patriot equipment managers.  Perhaps he had some candid snaps of his wife on the phone; oh wait, she’s a supermodel, everyone’s already seen her mostly naked.

Tom Brady has gotten some bad advice.  He should have never given the press conference on January 22 where he categorically denied knowing anything about ball pressure.  He should have turned his phone over to investigators, or come up with a slightly better reason than, “It’s complicated.”  And his agent (and his father) should not have publicly said that he’s guilty but the NFL is out to get him.

The idea that the NFL is persecuting Tom “The Golden Boy” Brady is beyond ludicrous.  There are lots of players Roger Goodell would relish punishing, including most of the Seattle Seahawks that Brady beat in the last Super Bowl.  The is one of Goodell’s worst nightmares: having to exact punishment on one of the league’s most popular players, who plays on the team owned by one of Goodell’s staunchest supporters. 

People ask, why would a great quarterback like Tom Brady have to cheat?  A quote attributed to Richard Petty says, “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.”  All great athletes look for every edge that can; that’s one thing that makes them great.  Different players have different thresholds.  A-Rod does cheesy things like trying to slap the ball out if the first baseman’s glove, or yell, “I got it” when on base and there’s a pop-up.  Is it any wonder he also used steroids to gain an edge?  Brady probably wouldn't commit an obvious violation, but if can get a slightly better grip on the ball and no one’s the wiser, then . . . .

If there is a root cause at the heart of this fiasco, it is the NFL’s policy to allow teams to control the game balls their team (but not the other team) uses during the game.  Who lobbied for such a cockamamie rule?  Tom Brady.  The guy who said he knew nothing about inflating footballs before a game.  And now he denies taking advantage of the rule he lobbied for?  Sure.  And I’m married to Giselle Bundchen.