modern movie theaters ain't what they used to be

My childhood theater was torn down not long ago.  No, this is not one of those, “How dare they destroy the past to put up a grocery store?” stories.  The theater was not an architectural marvel, with rococo moldings and art deco furnishing; it was one of those Syufy domed monstrosities that probably no one thought was terribly innovative.  I suppose the domes were supposed to provide better acoustics, but I really don’t know.

But these were the theaters, first a four-plex but then remodeled into a 14-plex, that I remember going to the most when I was growing up and then in adulthood.  This was the theater I saw the original Star Wars in on its opening weekend, with no fanfare and no lines.  It is also where I stood in line for an hour a few weeks later to see it again.  I always get to movies about 15 minutes early, which means I probably spent nearly five days of my life in those theaters just waiting for films to begin.

They were torn down and replaced, not by a strip mall but by new, state-of-the-art theaters.  No expense was spared!  Digital projection!  Wide seats that are recliners!  Wide aisles so no one steps on your toes getting in or out!  Reserved seating so you can pick you seat in advance and get there a minute before the show starts!

I hate it.

OK, I don’t hate it, but my movie going experience is not as enhanced as I suspect they think it is.  For one thing, the popcorn is still ridiculously expensive, but I haven’t bought popcorn at a movie in over 20 years so that’s not really a factor.

Let’s start with the reserved seating.  As I said, I usually get to movies 15 minutes before the start of the previews in order to get a good seat.  I once had a movie buddy who would factor in the length of the trailers in estimating when we should arrive; I think she once picked me up after the trailer’s start time.  But when I am on my own I get there early to avoid having to sit in the seats down front or off to the side.

But that doesn’t work anymore.  No matter how early I get there before the start time, other people have already reserved the best seats by buying on-line.  Combine this with the fact that wider seats + wider aisles = fewer seats, then finding a good seat is impossible unless you are going to a weekday matinee of Jupiter Rising. I went to see La La Land on Dec. 24 only to find the only seats available were, you guessed it, down front.

There are a number of factors that go into selecting a seat; how far away from the screen, how centered it is, are there old ladies nearby who may talk during the film, are there small children who will insist on going to the bathroom every 30 minutes?  With reserved seating, if a couple near you starts chatting, you can’t move discretely away.  Now you have to choose a seat not knowing who you’ll be sitting with.

And there is the fact that fewer seats = earlier sellouts.  The theater I saw La La Land in only has 31 seats, not counting the first two rows and handicapped seating.  They could probably fit at least 60 seats in of the old variety.  So that means if you want to go to a particular show the odds are doubled that you won’t get a seat outside the front two rows. 

And what is the reason for the smaller number of seats?  They want you to sit in a nice recliner, just like you might have at home. They are trying to compete with the home viewing experience by making the theater more like home!  If I wanted to curl up and watch La La Land in a recliner, I’d wait for the Blu-Ray to come out.  You can try to make the theater experience more like home, but the $12 popcorn will be a definite tip off.

Movie theaters are facing their greatest threat since the development of television.  Home theaters can now replicate the theater-going experience at home with big screens, high-def pictures, sound that would make George Lucas weep, and no crowds or expensive popcorn.  DVDs are being released sooner and sooner, and the urge to wait for something to come out on disc is greater and greater.  Maybe having reserved seats is a good idea; on a date night, you don’t want to show up late and get stuck with bad seats.  But the changes I’ve seen just make me want to wait two or three months for the red envelope from Netflix in my mailbox.

Someone -- I’m not sure who, it might have been George Will -- once said that the conservative credo is that all change is for the worse.  I hate to think that I am getting more conservative as I get older, but all I know is that standing in line to see Star Wars is a childhood memory that millennials won’t have because they bought their tickets in advance on-line.  Not that there’s been a really good Star Wars film since Return of the Jedi; but don’t get me started on THAT.

Seeing is not necessarily believing

One thing lawyers learn about juries is that they are often irrational.  Jurors place a great deal of faith in eyewitness testimony that is often unreliable; conversely, jurors often disregard circumstantial evidence like DNA because it is, well, circumstantial.

In 2014 we had the debacle of the Ray Rice domestic violence case, where NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell botched the investigation of the Rice’s assault on his then-fiancée (he interviewed the two of them together, something no police investigator would do), then suspended Rice for two games.  This was greeted by general derision, after which Goodell issued a policy that the proper suspension was 6 games.  THEN the video of the assault came out, and suddenly the proper suspension was indefinite (it is two years and counting).

The video added NO NEW INFORMATION about the Rice assault; he had been perfectly candid about what happened.  He punched her, she went down like a sack of wet cement, and he dragged her out of the elevator.  Yet because Goodell now actually saw what happened, he decided a greater punishment was called for, a punishment that far exceeded the policy he himself established.

The tyranny of the video tape has once again reared its ugly head, not once but twice.  Two years ago Oklahoma player Joe Mixon punched a woman and was suspended for a season.  Now the video of the assault has come out, and Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops held a press conference and said in retrospect he didn’t think the one season suspension was enough.  Stoops presumably saw the video when the suspension was handed down, but he was reacting to the new outrage the video had engendered.

But again, the video provided NO NEW INFORMATION.  Everyone knew Mixon had punched a woman; seeing the punch is irrelevant.  I don’t want to argue about the adequacy of the punishment, as that is the equivalent of debating the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin.  But, as with Rice, the punishment that was meted out shouldn’t be re-visited just because we have visual confirmation of what we already knew.

Video is also a factor concerning the Patriots signing of cut Arizona cardinal receiver Michael Floyd.  Floyd had a DUI and was immediately axed by the Cardinals, and was immediately signed by the Patriots.  Okay, the Patriots used to have a player on their team who is now serving time for murder, so a DUI seems like no big deal.  The immediate reaction was sort of praise for the patriots to make a business decision to bring in a slightly tarnished player who can help them despite off-the-field improprieties.

But the video was released of Floyd being totally wasted when he was pulled over, and suddenly people were second guessing the move by the Patriots, and Belichick admitted he hadn’t known what Floyd’s BAC was at the time of his arrest.  But once again, the video added nothing.  Reports were that Floyd’s blood alcohol level was .217, over two and a half times the limit for being intoxicated, 0.08.  Did people expect him to be slightly slurring his words, like Foster Brooks (okay, that reference is lost on anyone under 50; sorry)?  With a BAC of .217, you know he was very drunk; why should seeing how drunk he was change anyone’s perception?

We seem to be moving to a paradigm where if there isn’t video, it didn’t happen, and if there is video, that makes it worse that we imagined (because apparently people have pretty weak imaginations).  Decisions about issues like domestic violence or driving while intoxicated should be based on rational evaluation of evidence, not the visceral reaction to graphic footage.  A woman who is beaten by an NFL player doesn’t deserve less justice because the incident happened when no cell phones were around.

The irrationality of jurors is well known, and that is why there are rules of evidence that prevent the presentation of “evidence” that would confuse them.  But when it comes to the court of public opinion, there are no rules.  All we can do is hope that Commissioners and Coaches display more rationality than the great unwashed mob.

TV Review: the CW Crossover Event: Invasion!

TV Review: The CW Crossover Event: Invasion!

It’s a risk that happens whenever big events loom, like Christmas, birthdays, family reunions with that cute second cousin you hit it off with last year: the letdown.  The higher the anticipation, the bigger the disappointment when things don’t quite work out as expected.

It must have seemed inevitable that The CW would orchestrate a “crossover” event once Supergirl migrated from CBS to The CW.  After all, the Flash/Supergirl crossover on CBS was a hoot, with the meta-analysis of the Glee reunion of stars Grant Gustin and Melissa Benoist adding to the, well, glee.  It also helped that Benoist’s sunny interpretation of the Girl of Steel nicely meshed with Gustin’s amicable interpretation as the Scarlet Speedster (although this season The Flash has been getting pretty angst-y; but that’s a topic for another time).

So the week after Thanksgiving was the week of the “4 night crossover event” on The CW where all four DC properties produced by Greg Berlanti would cross pollenate.  My first complaint is that it was a “3-night crossover event” as 99% of Supergirl was about a different plot and The Flash and Cisco Ramon only showed up in the last 30 seconds.  Classic bait and switch.

The event picked up on The Flash, where the team was “assembled” like so many parts to a child’s toy on Christmas morning.  The Arrow and his team showed up, then the “Waverider” from Legends of Tomorrow.  The reason for the assemblage was an invasion of Earth by Aliens who looked and acted nothing like ET.  So The Flash recruited his pal Supergirl to visit our Earth from Earth 38 (I think) to help in the resistance to the aliens, whom Supergirl recognizes as a race called The Dominators.

And what brilliant plan do all these superheroes come up with to fight the alien menace?  They will try attacking Supergirl and see what works and doesn’t work.  Really?  That’s the best plan a team of SUPER heroes can come up with?  There is no reason to think Supergirl’s powers are comparable to The Dominators; there is no attempt at reconnaissance to find out what The Dominator’s powers are; there is no attempt at staging an attack to look for weaknesses.  Who knows, maybe The Dominators are like the aliens in the movie Signs are can be driven away by a garden hose?

No, instead of attacking the evil aliens, Team Flash, Team Arrow, and Team Legends spend their precious time immediately after an invasion of Earth by attacking a friendly alien and getting their asses handed to them.  Again, really?  That’s the best use of your time, risking injury by practicing against a friend instead of attacking the real enemy?  Makes.  No. sense.

The Flash installment ended with the members of Team Arrow being captured, leading to the continuation on Wednesday night.  This was the episode I was most at sea with, as I gave up on arrow mid-way through its first season (they dropped the backstory of him on the Island, and Steven Amell’s wooden acting gave me splinters).  As pointed out in the AV Club coverage of the episode, this set up a familiar but effect trope of giving a hero everything he wants to be happy, robbing him of his urge to be a hero. 

The episode may have been effective for fans of Arrow, but those of us tuning in only because of the crossover event were at a loss.  The emotional impact of dead characters being alive again was lost on those of us who didn’t know they were dead, and meanwhile the Big Bad from The Flash were nowhere to be seen for most of the episode.  So now we were three nights in to the “four-night event” and in two of them the alien threat was pretty much on the sidelines.

The episode ended with a “humans being able to operate advanced alien spacecraft” ending that is nothing but extreme hand-waving that’s even more egregious than Will Smith’s “I’ve seen the enemy aircraft perform and I think I can operate one” from Independence Day; it’s like someone who’s never driven a car saying, “After watching the Indianapolis 500 I’m ready to get behind the wheel and drive in traffic.”

The final segment of the crossover event was on Legends of Tomorrow.  We finally had the aliens front and center again, but it turned out that their only demand was for Earth to turn of The Flash to them.  This . . . made no sense.  They were worried about humans becoming a threat because of enhanced powers due to meta-humans, and they had a weapon that would destroy all meta-humans, but instead of using it they ask Earth to hand over one meta-human?  Then why the “invasion?”  Why not just start off by asking Earth for Barry Allen, or just detonating the anti-meta-human bomb?  Once again, the task of creating a plot device worthy of spanning four programs seems to have exceeded Greg Berlanti’s reach.

This is not to say the “event” was without entertainment value.  Combining the sunny aspect of Supergirl with the light but increasingly somber Flash with the downright depressing Arrow and the contained chaos of Legends of Tomorrow created some interesting interactions (none more than when Mick Rory said to Kara Danvers, “Hey skirt, call me!”).  I also enjoyed Iris’s comment that finding out that Oliver Queen was Arrow made him even hotter (followed by Barry’s reaction).  The comic book world is all about these mega-events, and if the result isn’t that spectacular than the fun is in the process.

I sort of hope The CW tries it again, but maybe with Supergirl visiting Arrow, or Barry interacting with the Legends of Tomorrow.  If The CW wants to go through what must be a logistical nightmare, with actor on four series having to be available in the production cycle of other series, then I wish they would come up with a plot more worthy than aliens invading earth, but largely being ignored.