Warehouse 13--adieu

Maybe you remember an old series called Babylon 5.  It was on a long time ago, way back in the 1990’s (in case you can’t tell, this is my sarcastic voice).  I liked the show, watched it faithfully, was happy when it survived a cancellation scare, but something always seemed a little off.  Then I was looking through one of my episode guides (I was a fan) and I read the author’s introduction which ended with him saying that Babylon 5 was a great experiment . . . that failed.  It did not change the course of science fiction, or TV production.  For all it achieved (it won two Hugos for best TV production) it never lived up to its potential.

I feel the same now about Warehouse 13.  I was enthused when it debuted, mainly because one of its creators was Jane Espenson, who had written my favorite episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Earshot) and one of my favorite Angel episodes (Guise Will Be Guise).  The premise, a warehouse full of spooky artifacts that had eerie powers, seemed to be a promising premise for an episodic TV show.

It failed.

Not spectacularly.  Not train wreck, Ishtar, or Push Nevada failed.  But it didn’t live up to its potential.  Now that it’s gone I probably won’t give it a second thought.

What went wrong?  Let’s start with casting.  The two leads were portrayed by Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly as Pete Lattimer and Myka Bering, two Secret Service Agents recruited to work at the mysterious Warehouse 13 in South Dakota.  First off, McClintock can be a mildly amusing actor, but he was completely unconvincing as an ex-Marine Secret Service agent; way too goofy, too unfocused, too out of control.  Fox Mulder was a more credible Federal agent than McClintock’s character.  Secondly, the two leads had no chemistry.  AT ALL.  Donnie and Marie Osmond generated more sexual chemistry than these two characters. 

To give the show credit, the writers recognized this fact and dealt with it by joking about it.  In one episode Pete and Myka wake up in bed together naked with amnesia, and they immediate conclude that the NEVER would have slept together so there had to be another explanation.  It’s not necessary for your leads to have chemistry, unless of course they are supposed to be another Scully and Mulder.  The lack of sexual zing was exacerbated by having the B-team couple consist of a teenaged girl and a gay guy.

Another thing that went wrong quickly was that the premise proved too fertile.  When literally anything could be an artifact, the writers got lazy throwing stuff out there just because it was convenient.  Sylvia Plath’s typewriter causes ennui?  Really?  This reached absurdity towards the end of the series when Claudia’s sister is given psycho-kinetic temper tantrums by Francis Farmer’s music box.  I didn’t realize that Ms. Farmer could move objects with her mind.

There was also the problem of Genelle Williams as Leena, whose job was . . . I never knew.  She was in 52 of the show’s 64 episodes, but heaven help me I still have NO idea what her function was.  Why the character was put on the show, and why she was allowed to remain so long, is a complete mystery.

The one thing that saved the show from complete despair was the arrival of Alison Scagliotti as Claudia.  She single handedly provided some oomph while the rest of the cast seemed to phone it in (seriously, at some point Joanne Kelly must have told the producers she didn’t feel like getting there early for make-up so she was just going to wear baggy clothes and not do anything with her hair).  Scagliotti also worked well with the character of Douglas Fargo from Eureka, so her energy helped two shows and not just one.

The show wrapped up with a 5^th season that lasted just 6 episodes, so it’s not like the SyFy network was besieged with requests to produce more episodes.  They acted like the show’s leaving was an event, but given the Sturm und Drang SF fans produce over the “Greedo shot first” debate, clearly there was not a huge upswelling of support for the show when its cancellation was announced.  Still, 64 episodes is nothing to sneeze at (about 60 more than Push Nevada; does anyone remember that show other than me?).  So adios, Warehouse 13.  I won’t be holding my breath for Warehouse 13—The Movie!

The Big Bang Theory displays its ignorance

I’m always amazed by how much The Big Bang Theory gets right about the world of theoretical physics. The jargon, the theories, the geek culture.  That’s why I find is equally astonishing that they get some simple things terribly wrong.

Let’s start with the episode (The Contractual Obligation Implementation) where Penny, Amy and Bernadette take a day off from work to go to Disneyland.  Bernadette asks Amy what she told her boss, and Amy goes into an elaborate story of faking food poisoning.  The thing is, both Amy and Bernadette are professional women who have well-paying jobs with benefits (Penny works at the Cheesecake Factory).  Neither would have to “tell their boss” something other than, “I’m taking a personal day tomorrow.”  In the world of biological testing I doubt things are so sensitive that neither could take a day off if she wanted to.

Of course that’s how things work in the real world.  The Big Bang Theory is written by TV writers who don’t get days off or vacation time.  So they assume that if any professional doesn't want to work, the only alternative is calling in sick (all the while making retching sounds). 

Okay, so the writers don’t know about jobs in the real world.  But you’d think they’d know how jobs in the entertainment industry work.  In another episode (The Hesitation Ramification) Penny gets her big break playing a waitress in a scene on NCIS, only to be devastated when the scene is cut from the episode’s broadcast.  Was this a reflection on Penny’s acting skill?  No!  They wouldn't have cut a scene just because the actress cast as the waitress was terrible; the scene was most likely cut for time.  Penny still got paid, she can still put it on her resume, she can still take pride in an accomplishment few actresses achieve: getting paid to act on a high-rated network drama.  So the scene was cut for time; big deal.

Even sillier is Penny’s hesitation to work in a sequel to her previous film, Serial Apist.  In The Indecision Amalgamation she is offered the starring role in Serial Apist 2, but hesitates to take the role.  Why?  Does it require nudity?  Is it an excuse for soft-core porn?  Does she have to sleep with the casting director?  No, she just thinks it is stupid. 

The first rule of Hollywood is that if you are a working actor, you have to work!  Not everyone can star in Sophie’s Choice or The Good Wife; while you are developing your craft you have to pay the bills with whatever comes along.  Dustin Hoffman did a Volkswagen commercial.  Tom Hanks did Bosom Buddies.  Penny seems to equate success in acting with winning an Emmy or an Oscar; just making ends meet is a tremendous achievement.

The producers of The Big Bang Theory should know how the TV industry works, and should give their audience some credit for knowing a little something about it as well.  Penny may be a dumb blonde, but she should be smarter than this, especially after so many year of utter failure.  As Sheldon Cooper might say, in what universe could an intelligent television show about super-smart people be so dumb?